Does anyone else struggle to make plans with friends? This blog is meant to explore the act of putting things into action, but one area I regularly struggle is making time for friends.
Life spirals on and I’m content to NOT make the first move to take time out of my day and spend it with someone I care about. I think there are lots of unpackable reasons tucked inside myself, so I’m going to try to tease some out.
- Convincing myself I’m too busy. I think many of us do this, but as busy as life is, there is room for something as important as spending a little more time with friends. We’re all addicted to our screens to some degree, and we’d all be embarrassed if we saw our daily screen time numbers regularly. Why can’t we make it a regular practice to catch up with a friend for 30 minutes? 15 minutes? I think we can, and the opportunity for these short visits lead into my next point.
- We put too much pressure on the expectations of a hang out. I feel this one strongly. I stretch out the length between visits with some of my friends and then when we finally catch up it feels like it’s an event. We have to fill each other in on everything in our lives, we linger and prolong the conversation longer than it needs to be. It’s like we’re trying to make up for all the time we haven’t spent in a little window, and I think that’s too much pressure to put on seeing a friend. Make it short! I’ll be seeing you again soon anyway! Sure, sometimes those long hangouts where all the catching up occurs will happen, and those are great, but I’m a big fan of impromptu small hangs. It maintains the familiarity without the pressure.
- “I’m an introvert, I recharge when I’m by myself.” Alright. This may be true to some extent with some people, but it’s also an area that I feel like people convince themselves of something that isn’t even true. We’re social creatures! Relationship is everything, or at least all the best things in life. We’re also living through an epidemic of loneliness, and I’m willing to guarantee that some of those same people that say they don’t want to hang out because their social battery is too low are the same people that would say they’re lonely. Just make it happen. Be with friends and be vulnerable. Let those closest to you see the full you, and when you quit shielding those parts of you you’re reluctant to display, you’ll start feeling more fulfilled after being in relationship. It’s when we can’t show our full selves that we feel drained around others, so find others that want to see the full you.
I think that last sentence is the most important one here, and I don’t know that I would have been able to land on it without this exercise. Maybe others would have different points that hit home the hardest, but I think that’s it for me.
Alright! Next goal, work hard at being my full self all the time! My contrarian weirdness can hide sometimes, especially as I age, but as Luke Wilson in The Family Stone would probably tell me, “You have a freak flag, you just don’t fly it.” Well let’s start flying it.
Action Update:
I sent a poll to a bunch of my closest guy friends asking them their hang out preferences. Here was my list of options:
- Grabbing food/drink and catching up
- Going for a walk
- Doing something active (ex. run, bike, play a sport)
- With partners (ex. hanging out as couples)
- Watching an event or movie
- Going to a concert, performance, or game
- Working on a project (ex. yard project, painting the house)
- Virtually (ex. phone check-ins, online gaming)
- Hanging out with a group (Active: ex. volleyball, basketball, pickleball, bike ride)
- Hanging out with a group (Non-active: DnD, board games, watching something)
- Book club
- Cook/bake food
I love me some data, so I’m going to compile responses from all my friends and I’m going to make a point of asking people more regularly to connect doing something that I know they’d enjoy.
Community Games update:
I haven’t heard shit back from anyone I emailed -_-
Brandon Tries Things 
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